Yesterday, I came across an article ranking the, err, physical assets of all of the female contestants on the realty TV show "The Bachelor." It made me realize that if people are going to delve so deeply into mindless manufactured entertainment, they'd probably also like a ranking that is a bit more tangible, albeit less physically appealing. As a sports writer, I have the opportunity to provide just that. Go me!

So here are the top five free agents in the NFL this offseason.

1. Ndamukong Suh, DT, Detroit Lions
I've flipped back and forth between Suh and Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Justin Houston as the No. 1 free agent this offseason. Suh wins the top spot at this juncture because he combines elite run- stopping ability with highly coveted pass-rushing skills from the defensive tackle position. You just don't see that combo very often.

Suh finished the 2014 season with 53 total tackles and 8.5 sacks as the Lions ranked second overall in yards allowed per game (300.9), third in points (17.6) and eighth in sacks (42). The 28-year-old's free agency will be especially interesting because he's reportedly looking for a deal that tops $100 million.

Will someone fork over that type of money for Suh? Probably. And you know what? He deserves it.

2. Justin Houston, OLB, Kansas City Chiefs
I know there are some serious offensive playmakers hitting the open market this offseason, but Houston might be a tad more valuable. Playing elite defense in the NFL is hard these days. You can't hit a guy too hard, too soon, too late, etc. Having a blue chip player on that side of the ball goes a long way.

And Houston is just that, a blue chip player. He led the NFL in sacks this past season with 22 and is still just 26 years old. Talent and youth? This guy is the full package when it comes to an offseason shopping list. Pro Football Focus rated Houston as the top 3-4 outside linebacker among qualified players in 2014. The guy has averaged a sack a game since the start of the 2012 season. That type of consistent production is worth a deal in the vicinity of J.J. Watt money.

3. Demaryius Thomas, WR, Denver Broncos
Thomas wants to return to Denver and the Broncos obviously want him back. But with 18 players (34 percent of the roster) scheduled to become free agents, can the team afford to re-sign him?

The five highest paid receivers in the NFL all make upwards of $11 million annually. After finishing second in the NFL in receptions (111) and receiving yards (1,619) and 10th in touchdowns (11) this season, Thomas has firmly invaded top-five territory at his position. The Broncos could franchise him, but that would cost north of $12 million.

At the end of the day, I'd be surprised if Thomas was playing anywhere else but Mile High Stadium in 2015. But getting him back won't come cheaply.

4. Dez Bryant, WR, Dallas Cowboys
I've made my thoughts on Dallas' free agent priorities when it comes to Bryant and running back DeMarco Murray abundantly clear. My take: pay Bryant first and then worry about Murray. Yes, Murray was the MVP of the Cowboys this season. But it just doesn't make sense to spend big money at the running back position these days, especially when that ball carrier has a lengthy injury history.

Bryant hauled in 88 passes for 1,320 yards and 16 touchdowns this season. Team owner Jerry Jones would be crazy (at least, more crazy than usual) to let a preeminent receiver such as Bryant walk out the door.

5. Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, New York Giants
Pierre-Paul put to bed any lingering doubts about his health and pass-rushing consistency this past season. JPP broke out in 2012 with 16.5 sacks but then recorded just 8.5 over the next two seasons thanks to a nagging back injury. Finally fully healthy and motivated, Pierre-Paul played stout run defense while recording 12.5 sacks in 2014.

Unfortunately for Giants fans, it's looking more and more like JPP will be playing elsewhere next season. New York has a history of low-balling its pass-rushers and the word on the street is that Pierre-Paul could be looking for a max deal this offseason. It's not that the Giants can't afford him, it's that they may not be willing to pay that type of money.