Travis Howze is pacing back and forth on the stage of the Stardome Comedy Club in Birmingham, Alabama. He's kicking his legs, clad in well-worn, faded jeans, jiggling slightly as he applauds and energizes the crowd. The stand-up comedian, who served in the United States Marine Corps, then as a police officer and a firefighter over the course of 14 years, makes his opening joke with a dry kind of gusto only one who has experienced serious pain can muster.
"Look, hey, um, I'm gonna try and keep my energy up for you guys all night, despite what's recently taken place in my personal life. Unfortunately I just found out a few minutes ago that I lost a few friends, so. I'm over here trying to deal," he states in a matter-of-fact, almost deadpan tone. He then turns to a member of the audience. "No, no, don't be sad. They were Facebook friends."
The joke is relatable on a number of levels, referring to loss, coping with the passing of friends and family, even social media - themes of our modern life that Howze has encountered on many occasions. According to a recent piece Howze wrote for LaughSpin.com, the devastating events this South Carolina native encountered throughout his life shaped the material for what would later become his saving grace: comedy.
"Dying on stage has never scared me," he writes in his LaughSpin article. "I'm all too familiar with actual death to be intimidated by a few moments of silence during my set. The only thing that scares me these days is not living the best life that I can possibly live."
Howze, who grew up under the watchful eye of a tough – almost militant – father, joined the Marines on Nov. 8, 1996. For the next four years, he served, then returned to civilian society, joining local law enforcement and the fire service until 2010.
The way to cope with the tough aspects of the job, Howze explains, was to make jokes. He and his fellow firefighters would poke fun at the truly mind-boggling and often fatal situations they would face almost daily - including, but not limited to, responding to a 49-year-old woman who died while having sex with her partner.
But even jokes couldn't temper the pain of an event that shook Howze's life. An associate of his named Louis Mulkey was among a number of Charleston firefighters caught in a burning Sofa Super Store, and Howze volunteered to go in to bring them out of the building to safety.
"In my mind I knew I would be able to find at least one of our guys and bring him out alive. I was wrong," he says. "While crawling through the twisted collapsed steel and choking on thick smoke that was still very present, I saw something that didn't appear normal. As I crawled closer, I immediately realized it was one of our guys. I knew at that moment, no one was alive."
From that point on, Howze spiraled into a wave of deep depression, considering suicide at every turn. He was diagnosed with Survivors Guilt, Major Depressive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He found himself drinking, shoving a gun in his mouth, his finger on the trigger, and fighting with his peers – even breaking into a physical altercation with the firefighters who replaced the men who had died that June evening in the Sofa Super Store.
At the behest of his battalion Chief John Winn, Howze began attending therapy, which, as he says, "helps tremendously." He then launched himself fully into a comedy career.
"It was the only thing that made me feel good," he writes. "...I quit drinking cold turkey and realized no one is coming to rescue me. I have to do this on my own. I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and accept what had happened. I decided that I deserved a life worth living. I decided that it was time to honor my fallen brothers and through my story, I may be able to help again, even if it's just one person."
Howze says it's only been up from there. With support from his friends, family, wife – who recently gave birth to their first baby girl – and members of the comedy industry, he has overcome what he calls the toughest events of his life.
"I try not to focus on the negative anymore," he says. "I believe I've been put in this position for a specific reason. I'm not sure as to what that reason is, but I will keep pressing forward, and perhaps someday, I'll find out."
Read the rest of Howze's incredible story at LaughSpin.com.
