Nick Gordon is devastated over the death of girlfriend Bobbi Kristina Brown, but the Brown family believes he had something to do with her hospitalization and banned him from attending her funeral Saturday.

Gordon, 25, desperately wanted to attend the funeral so he could properly mourn her. He sent her father, Bobby Brown, and aunt/legal guardian, Pat Houston, an email begging them to let him come, according to TMZ.

"I loved Krissi with all my heart and I am destroyed that she is gone and I need to say goodbye," said the email, which Entertainment Tonight got a hold of. "I'm begging you both to please put your differences aside and allow me this chance. Krissi loved me very much and she would want me there. Please consider this? You are both in my daily prayers. I know you are suffering. May God bless you both and heal your hearts."

Both sides of the family believe Gordon had something to do with Bobbi Kristina being found unconscious in her bathtub in January, and there is even a $40 million lawsuit filed against him because he took money from her and apparently abused her.

Despite his heartfelt email, the family stuck with their initial decision and did not allow him to attend. Gordon had to find another way to mourn Bobbi Kristina.

"Nick went to the beach with me on Friday during the services," his mother, Michelle Gordon, told People. "He said the beach was always their favorite place to go so he decided that he would honor her at a place they both loved."

The morning of her funeral, Gordon texted a family member trying one more time to get permission to attend, a source close to the family told Entertainment Tonight. His request was denied.