Transgender Parents Won’t Hesitate to Tell Their Children About Former Lives
Aug 14, 2014 12:01 AM EDT
Nick and Bianca Bowser have a difficult conversation ahead of them. The Kentucky couple will have to tell their two sons that their father is actually their mother and their mother is actually their father.
Bianca started her transition to a woman 11 years ago. Her husband Nick has lived as a man for the past seven. Neither has undergone reconstructive surgery because they can't afford it.
Each retains their original sex organs, which is why Nick carried and delivered their sons, Kai, age 3 and Pax, almost 1. The experience proved physically and emotionally difficult for Nick, who refused to leave his house during the third trimester, except for doctor's appointments.
"I decided to carry our sons because we wanted our children to be ours, but being pregnant made me absolutely miserable," Nick told the Mirror.
"My pregnancy was not the norm for a lot of people and so they stared. I couldn't handle the whispering and pointing."
Before the pregnancies, Nick took testosterone to change his appearance and had breast-removal surgery. Bianca had breast augmentation and laser hair removal, but her feminine look and sound didn't require her to take female hormones.
Next, Nick and Bianca will sit down with their boys to explain their family situation. The couple will probably wait until Kai reaches age 6 to break the news, when he's "old enough to understand," Bianca told the Mirror.
Clinical psychologist Laura Markham thinks it's best to tell children the truth early in their lives, she told Yahoo! Health.
"Otherwise, it's going to feel like it's a betrayal to them," she said. "Whether the child is adopted or from a donor egg or any variation of normal, what's important is to tell them, 'You were so wanted and so loved, and this is just the way it was in our family, no big deal.'"
Bianca insists the couple will raise the children in a loving, supportive, secure and perfectly normal manner.
"It is important they know because it's a big secret to keep from your children and if they found out another way they could hold huge resentment," Bianca told the Mirror.
"But I don't worry about how they will react. We will not treat it as a 'bad' thing. And young kids are accepting and non-judgemental."
The Bowser couple don't hide their intimate details, but they don't widely advertise their situation either. They have only come forward now to raise awareness, according to the UK Metro.The presence of transgender people has grown over the last year thanks to public figures like "Orange is the New Black" star Laverne Cox and Victoria's Secret model Carmen Carrera.
"I don't criticize how anyone demonstrates who they are as transgender individuals," Bianca told Yahoo! Health. "For me personally, I'm not going to deny who I have been before. I don't look at it as something to be ashamed of, because without that past, I wouldn't be who I am today."