Warning: Spoilers ahead
"Avengers: Age of Ultron" opened to $187.7 million in the United States last weekend, good for the second biggest opening in movie history. Worldwide, it's made a staggering $626.7 million, putting the film well on the way to top-ten all-time territory. Everywhere you look, ticket sales and box office records are falling like chunks of Sokovian landmass.
But, if we're being completely honest with ourselves, "Ultron" was maybe-sort-of-kind-of not that great. Don't get me wrong, I found the movie to be an entertaining and pulpy ride full of quality one-liners. But with plot holes big enough to fly a Helicarrier through them, I couldn't help but leave the theater somewhat disappointed.
Let's go down a brief list of flaws.
• You know how sometimes you go grocery shopping while you're hungry and you end up buying wayyyyy too much food? That's what "Ultron" felt like to me. Director Joss Whedon tried to do too much. He had several new characters (Ultron, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, The Vision) and story lines (Black Widow's backstory, Black Widow's romance, Hawkeye's family, Thor's mystical Jacuzzi, etc.) all shoehorned into one film. As a result, no single character or plot arc got the attention it deserved and everything ended up wildly underdeveloped.
• That moment with all of The Avengers leaping at the same time in the opening battle sequence was meant to be epic, but it just came off as hokey. More Microsoft Paintbrush than Hollywood C.G.I.
• Every Avenger's vision via Scarlet Witch added something to the overarching Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) plot. Thor realized someone is collecting Infinity Stones. Tony Stark created Ultron out of fear and opened the debate of superhero accountability (which will be a prime theme in "Captain America: Civil War.") Black Widow received some much-needed background. Hulk's vision led to his citywide rampage, which prompted his self-imposed exile. But what did Captain America's vision add? Nothing. We already knew he missed Peggy Carter and lamented the life not lived. But there's no value in rehashing that insecurity right now. Missed opportunity.
• There wasn't enough debate between Bruce Banner and Tony Stark, two of the most intelligent minds in Marvel history, when it came to their experiments. Banner harbors some initial apprehension about messing with artificial intelligence. Stark talks him into it. Banner again expresses doubts later in the film because Ultron, you know, turned out to be a genocidal psychopath. But Stark talks him into round two. Wait, what? Reckless actions can't be justified just by labeling yourself a mad scientist.
• Why isn't Tony being honest with his team about his intentions? Nick Fury's dishonesty and shady dealings was a sore spot in the first film and has echoed in "Marvel's Agents of SHIELD." Why adopt that strategy? Like a villain's plan, it NEVER works in these movies.
• The birth of the Vision felt rushed and not well thought out. He says he is on the side of life, but why? His power source is of alien origins so why is he – not to mention Ultron – so damn human? Jarvis must really know his way around that Infinity Stone. In the comics, Vision goes through much more of an internal struggle, which serves the father-son conflict better and makes his actions even more heroic. But in "Ultron" he is good from the get go – just because. How convenient for The Avengers.
• Ultron was built up as a nearly indestructible villain after having been vested with super intelligence and selected pieces of Stark armour. But he and his band of clones are pretty easily dispatched. Cap one-punch KOs a few mini-bots and the rest of them get blasted by one form of kick-assery or another (If only the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight was this action packed!).
• Quicksilver's death. Oh, that's where the danger is. Killing off a character we haven't had any time to get to know or empathize with. A dude who went from a bad guy to a good guy in the time it took me to find a seat before the movie started. Borat voice: That totally resonates on an emotional level. Not!
• Minor qualm: In the first "Avengers," Thor brings his hammer down on Cap's vibranium shield and it levels a forest along with our heroes. This time around, it only knocks out a few enemies while leaving both Cap and Thor upright and unaffected. Was there a monumental shift in Marvel physics between films that I missed?
• Where did the Black Widow and Bruce Banner relationship spring from? And why was she laying it on so thick? Check out this spiecy bit of dialogue:
Bruce: Don't be so hard on yourself
Natasha: I thought you were going to do that to me.
• I'm all for a team romance, but this came out of nowhere. Let's hope she doesn't ever tick Banner off. You wouldn't like that guy when he's angry.
• Speaking of the Banner/Hulk-Natasha/Black Widow dynamic, can anyone explain "Hulk's Lullaby?" Where was the set up or explanation? Was he hypnotized to relax or go to sleep after the hand touch and forearm stroking?
• So Nick Fury shows up with a Helicarrier toward the end of the film. Why did the Avengers seemed surprised. You'd think they'd coordinate a plan better. Does that mean S.H.I.E.L.D. is back? Or Nick is back? How have they recovered from the Hydra infestation so quickly? What does that mean for "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?" By the way, doesn't Coulson deserve a serious raise by this point? Why can't I stop asking rhetorical questions? Someone help!
• Ultron makes the Vision AND lifts miles of Sokovian land because... vibranium? Makes sense, I guess...
• The mid-credits scene with Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet may have been too much of an inside tease for casual fans. I don't have a girlfriend and my social life is comparable to Captain America's: non-existent. I have time to read comics and research what exactly that glove is and its purpose in the larger MCU. But friends of mine who actually have a life weren't and were therefore unfamiliar with the source material and left scratching their heads.
I know it comes off as if I hated the movie, but that's not the case. I enjoyed it. But as one of the most highly anticipated films in recent memory, it was a bit of a let down. Too many balls in the air prevented it from bringing anything new to the table. The first "Avengers" proved to be a game-changer and you could feel that as you were watching the film. But this movie just seems like it's playing by the rules with one faceless-interchangeable threat after another. Where was the drama? Where was the sense of real danger? Downey/Stark's patented quips aside there was nothing that left a lasting impression.
We just have to face the fact that "Avengers: Age of Ultron" wasn't THAT good. Maybe the blue-ray director's cut edition, and an extra hour of footage, will make it better – and answer my questions.
